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Thread: Some humor to make us old farts SMILE... :)

  1. #1
    Registered Member BamaNomad's Avatar
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    Some humor to make us old farts SMILE... :)

    Borrowed from Team Camaro site - Thanks to Everett!
    -----------------------------


    New Hearing Aid


    Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
    He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
    The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."
    The gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


    Egomaniac Light Bulb


    Q: How many egomaniac does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: One, because the egomaniac can hold the bulb, and the rest of the world will naturally revolve around him.


    Healthy Insanity for Retirement


    At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses and point a hair dryer at passing cars
    On all your check stubs, write, 'For Marijuana'
    Skip down the street rather than walk and see how many looks you get
    Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat - be serious about it
    Sing along at the opera
    When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won, I won"
    When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot while yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
    Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go"
    Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.
    Go to a department store fitting room and yell, "There's no toilet paper in here"


    Retiree @Costco


    Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Winchester, the Crazy Wheaten
    and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?
    So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
    I added I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
    I told her it was essentially a Perfect Diet and the way it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
    The food is nutritionally complete,(certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
    Horrified she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
    I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
    Costco won't let me shop there anymore. The world needs more humor - take care of our retirees!


    Earning A Day Off


    Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
    The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
    The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
    The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
    The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
    The boss then says, "You've been working so much you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
    The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

  2. #2
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    The joys of retirement

  3. #3
    Registered Member Belair-o's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing those - they were great!

  4. #4
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    Some exceptional ones in that batch.
    Tony

    1955 Bel Air Sport Coupe

  5. #5
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    I am for sure an old fart and these made me laugh.

    Thanks

  6. #6
    Registered Member enigma57's Avatar
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    Thanks, Bama! I needed a good laugh, even if it hurts to laugh. Was in a car wreck Monday evening and aggravated an old back injury. Hurts like you wouldn't believe.

    Things can get way too serious on the forum here at times and its good to just take a moment every now and then to read or watch something entertaining that puts a smile on your face.

    My wife sent me this link today. Enjoy......

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTUruS-lnEo

    Happy Motoring,

    Harry
    'G-d Bless The U.S.A.'...... Lee Greenwood......

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_5aoptI5j0

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