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Thread: How about a little humor... as you start s week of fasting and exercise... :)

  1. #1
    Registered Member BamaNomad's Avatar
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    How about a little humor... as you start s week of fasting and exercise... :)

    Humorous Mish Mash for after Thanksgiving...

    I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store.
    When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
    I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours."
    He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"
    ---------------------------------------

    Wife: "How would you describe me?"
    Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
    Wife: "What does that mean?"
    Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
    Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
    Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    -------------------------------------------

    Q: Is Google male or female?
    A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
    -------------------------------------------------

    A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
    The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it's still experimental.
    He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so this night, she does just this.
    About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
    I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me,
    ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!"
    The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was this strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
    "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to the restaurant anyway."
    --------------------------------------------------

    Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
    Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
    -------------------------------------------------------

    Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
    "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
    The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks of vacation, Fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental,
    company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"
    The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
    The interviewer replies, "Yes, but you started it."
    -------------------------------------------------------

    The Energizer Bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.
    ------------------------------------------------------

    I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, "Your password is incorrect."
    -----------------------------------------------------

    What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
    They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    Dear Tech Support,
    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
    Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
    I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

    What can I do?

    Signed, Desperate

    Dear Desperate,
    First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

    Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
    These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

    Good Luck, Tech Support
    ----------------------------------------------------------

  2. #2
    Registered Member Belair-o's Avatar
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    Thanks for the post! Some of those had me laughing out loud!

  3. #3
    Registered Member carls 56's Avatar
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    put a smile on my face, thanks.
    ARMY NAM VET, very proud!

    56 210 4dr

    drive and enjoy them while you work on them, life is to short.

  4. #4
    Registered Member enigma57's Avatar
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    Thanks! Much appreciated. I needed a good laugh!

    Best regards,

    Harry
    Last edited by enigma57; 12-04-2019 at 05:06 AM.
    'G-d Bless The U.S.A.'...... Lee Greenwood......

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_5aoptI5j0

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