BamaNomad
07-01-2020, 08:37 AM
Thanks again to Everett at Team Camaro... https://www.trifive.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif
Cafeteria Sign
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."
(Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
I always cry at weddings, especially my own.
People who say their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.
A hardware store has a sign reading: "Today's special." (Then, below it, in pencil): "So's tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
- He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Taking my husband's last name doesn't mean I'm not a feminist.
- It means I don't want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again.
What do you call a cow with no legs? -Ground beef.
My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later this morning.
Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from Grandpa.
-He was known as the cod father.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
I changed my password to "incorrect". ... So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
The trouble with learning from experience is you never graduate.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns 'individuality' is the key to success.
One good thing about graduation is you get to wear a funny hat making your brain look larger than it actually is.
I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? - Because it said "concentrate"!
A blonde said, "I was worried my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was Turn-Signal Fluid."
You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. - Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.
Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.
Cafeteria Sign
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."
(Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
I always cry at weddings, especially my own.
People who say their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.
A hardware store has a sign reading: "Today's special." (Then, below it, in pencil): "So's tomorrow.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
- He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Taking my husband's last name doesn't mean I'm not a feminist.
- It means I don't want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again.
What do you call a cow with no legs? -Ground beef.
My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later this morning.
Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from Grandpa.
-He was known as the cod father.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
I changed my password to "incorrect". ... So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
The trouble with learning from experience is you never graduate.
I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns 'individuality' is the key to success.
One good thing about graduation is you get to wear a funny hat making your brain look larger than it actually is.
I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? - Because it said "concentrate"!
A blonde said, "I was worried my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was Turn-Signal Fluid."
You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. - Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.
Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.