Humpday Humor for the first of July, 2020...
Thanks again to Everett at Team Camaro... https://www.trifive.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif
Cafeteria Sign
Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."
(Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
- I always cry at weddings, especially my own.
- People who say their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.
- A hardware store has a sign reading: "Today's special." (Then, below it, in pencil): "So's tomorrow.
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
- He was lucky it was a soft drink. - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Taking my husband's last name doesn't mean I'm not a feminist.
- It means I don't want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again. - What do you call a cow with no legs? -Ground beef.
- My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later this morning.
- Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from Grandpa.
-He was known as the cod father. - The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
- I changed my password to "incorrect". ... So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
- The trouble with learning from experience is you never graduate.
- I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?
- A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns 'individuality' is the key to success.
- One good thing about graduation is you get to wear a funny hat making your brain look larger than it actually is.
- I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow.
- How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
- Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? - Because it said "concentrate"!
- A blonde said, "I was worried my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was Turn-Signal Fluid."
- You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
- My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. - Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
- Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
- A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
- You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.
- Never marry a woman who was captain of the debate team.
