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Thread: Humpday Humor for old farts... er senior citizens!

  1. #1
    Registered Member BamaNomad's Avatar
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    Humpday Humor for old farts... er senior citizens!

    An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
    ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

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    You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
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    A woman on the phone to her friend: “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising…
    ---
    So I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.”
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    The good thing about having a bad memory is jokes can be funny more than once.
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    You know you’re getting old when the rocking chair feels like a roller coaster.
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    Knock, Knock.
    Who’s there?
    A little old lady.
    A little old lady who?
    I had no idea you could yodel.
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    Older people shouldn’t eat healthy food. They need all the preservatives they can get.
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    What is grandpa’s bedtime?
    One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair.
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    My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory:
    I can hide my own Easter Eggs.
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    Why can’t you take pictures of old men with walking sticks?
    You take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks!
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    What do you get when you freeze dentures?
    Frostbite.

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    What are the three signs of old age?

    1. Being forgetful.

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    Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? So she could rock n roll.
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    How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? She hid his dentures.
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    What did the old man say before he kicked the bucket?
    How far do you think I can kick the bucket?”
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    An old couple was sitting in Church and the wife noticed people were staring at her.
    She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
    He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.”
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    How are stars like false teeth?
    They both come out at night.
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    “By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
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    You know you are old when you’re told to slow down by your doctor and not the police.
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    You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit.
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    Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age?
    Cremation.

  2. #2
    Registered Member busterwivell's Avatar
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    Dec 2016

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    True............

  3. #3
    Registered Member Belair-o's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013

    Member #:1723
    Location
    Franktown, CO
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    531
    Thanks Bama! Classics:

    A woman on the phone to her friend: “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising…
    ---
    So I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.”
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The good thing about having a bad memory is jokes can be funny more than once.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory:
    I can hide my own Easter Eggs.


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